My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
