I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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