Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
