I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
