How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
