My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
