We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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