he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
