Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
