She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
