My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
