I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
