Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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