i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
