Don't make out with my wife yet
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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