just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
