found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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