I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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