Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
