so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
