I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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