I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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