you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
