I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
