she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
