I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The power of my boobs compel you
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
