He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
