How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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