I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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