it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sober January is a disaster.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
