it hurts more in the daytime
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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