Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
