we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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