I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
