Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
