uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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