I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
