Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
