I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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