Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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