You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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