Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
