her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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