i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
