Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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