Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
this hospital has no fireball
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
