omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
