dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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