Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
