this beer tastes like vomit already
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
