i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
