you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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