white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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