I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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