id be glad to
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
