dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
