i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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