And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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