All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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