sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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