respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
