I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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