I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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