I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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