he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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