i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
