I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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