what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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