i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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