Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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