When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
