maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
